Jimmy Kimmel Live! : KGO : August 8, 2024 11:35pm-12:37am PDT : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

always. and right now on jimmy kimmel, it's guest host lamorne morris. >> have a great night >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with guest host, lamorne morris. tonight -- sebastian maniscalco -- gillian jacobs -- and music from big sean -- with cleto and the cletones.

and now, lamorne morris. [ cheering and applause ] >> lamorne: hey! woo! wow! wow! [ applause ] oh my goodness. i'll take it. i'll take it. this is the life. everybody, please, please, please. what? don't mess around. it's a podcast that i do. yes, make sure you like and subscribe. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm your guest host lamorne morris. [ cheering and applause ] now, now i know what you're thinking. you're thinking with so much crazy stuff, so much madness

going on in the news right now, thank god the guy from the bmo commercials is here to make sense of it. [ laughter ] i'm here, i'm here. yeah, this has been -- this has been a very, very big week for me. i'm hosting kimmel again, obviously. [ cheers and applause ] but also, also, i just got nominated for my first emmy award for my work on "fargo." [ cheering and applause ] thank you, thank you. i'm very excited, very excited, although for some reason this is the photo that they're using of me on the emmy website. [ laughter ] got the hand on my chin. the hand on my chin shows i'm thinking. and what i'm thinking is -- "they better not use this dumb ass photo on the emmy website." [ laughter ] there goes my chances. anyway, let this be a lesson to all you fellow actors out there, up-and-coming actors who truly want to make it in this business. here's what you got to do. you got to play character in north dakota.

[ laughter ] a place with zero black people, and then they'll have no choice but to notice your talented black ass. [ cheering ] and you know what's weird? i now have accepted more nominations this year than joe biden. [ laughter ] it's weird. it's weird. i don't know if i'm comfortable saying that, but of course that obviously that's the big story yesterday. president biden decided to drop out of the race. well, he didn't like drop out so much as he kind of wandered off. [ laughter ] [ applause ] hey, man. [ laughter ] hey, man.

i love joey b., i really do. a lot of reporters were caught off guard by the news, including cnn's wolf blitzer. yesterday wolf posted this photo of himself, brunching it up. enjoying a co*cktail called the "wolf spritzer." [ laughter ] that's right. then two hours later, he had to rush to the studio and go live on the air. that's called a wolf oh [ bleep ]-itzer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] slowing down. now, meanwhile, this is how donald trump took the news that joe biden was out of the race. he wrote on truth social, "biden never had covid. he is a threat to democracy." [ laughter ] really? trump thinks biden never had covid? you don't pretend to have covid to get out of running for president, you pretend to have covid to get out of going to your cousin's destination wedding. okay? [ laughter ] i'm not going back to pomona! [ bleep ] that! [ laughter ]

now the new choice for the democrats appears to be vice president kamala harris. right? okay. [ cheering ] now here's the thing, though. trump is very worried because kamala's a lawyer. i mean, he only lost to joe biden once, but he loses to lawyers like twice a week. [ laughter ] i don't know. i could go either way, you know. you know, kamala harris is a baptist, but growing up she also attended hindu services with her mom, and her husband is jewish. let me tell you something, that is huge. here's why. because if she's going to beat donald trump, she's going to need all the help she can get. [ laughter ] she is going to need the help of every single god she can get. we're talking you need yahweh, jesus, oprah, all the big guys, yeah, all of them. [ cheers and applause ] i think my favorite part of this is that if kamala wins, for the first time our country won't

have a first lady, we'll have a first man. and his name is doug. [ laughter ] all right, doug. look at that. young ass pimp, player, look at doug. what a stud. and as the president's spouse, he'll be in charge of the white house holiday decorations. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? "doug, go ahead and put up some lights, man." rickety old ladder hanging mistletoe. getting all pissed off about who put away the light-up reindeer last year because the cord's all tangled up. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, president kamala harris and doug. [ laughter and applause ] call him douglas. now vice president harris has already lined up endorsem*nts from top democrats like nancy pelosi, hillary clinton, and joe biden. many democrats, and even some republicans, have praised the president for having the courage to take a step back and put the country's interests ahead of his

own. which is good. it's a good thing. and while we don't know exactly what led joe biden to this unprecedented decision, he did release this very official message that we definitely did not make up. [ laughter ] >> hello, everyone, it's me joey b. as you may have heard, i'm not running for president anymore. i want you to know i'm not dropping out because of anything you did, even though you got jumpier than a burlap sack full of jackrabbits after the debate. this wasn't an easy decision to make. i consulted with people i trust most. my wife, the ducks i feed in the park, the man in the red coat who says he is my doctor, and the big guy upstairs, the ghost of babe ruth. don't feel bad for me. now i can spend more time doing what i love, like teaching my grandkids how to play hoop and stick, perfecting my recipe for boiled salt beef, and hang with my old pals, abbott, costello, and the wolfman.

those guys are some kind of tell you what. let me leave you can something i made on a sign made out of drift wood that jill got for our summer house. don't cry because it's over, smile because it's -- when you think about it -- you know, it's two sets of footprints. and it's wine o'clock somewhere. i'm joe biden, and i'm [ bleep ] hate george clooney. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: oh, my man joe. beautiful message, beautiful message. and by the way, i'm not sure if i mentioned this, but i was nominated for an emmy. did i mention that? [ cheers and applause ] oh, stop! but, not only i am emmy-nominated actor, i'm also an author now too. that's right. real. my new book is about the two things i love most. it's people, and it's food.

and nothing brings people and food together more than cookouts during the summer, which is why i'm pleased to share the first commercial for what i guarantee will be an instant best-seller. ♪ cookout season is in full swing. amazing weather, delicious food, family, and friends. what could possibly ruin this perfect day? >> hey, everyone, meet my girlfriend lindzey. >> with a z. who wants vegan egg salad? i used fermented tofu. it's really good for the microbiome. >> it's true. >> lamorne: listen, white people, i get it. you want to come to the cookout. it's fun. it's loose. we season our food. but you got to read the damn room. that's why you should read my new book, "caucasian at the cookout." it's filled with help tips and things to avoid, like this. >> oh my god, your hair just like beyonce's in austin powers.

i just want to touch it. [ buzzer ] >> lamorne: lucky you still got that hand. or this. >> does anyone else want mayonnaise? mmm. [ buzzer ] >> jesus. >> thank you. >> lamorne: that would be crazy at a white barbecue. or this. [ buzzer ] >> lamorne: that is bestial*ty. or this. >> baby, is that all you going to eat? >> all this cholesterol is unhealthy. heart disease is the leading cause of death in black men. >> man, anybody trying to hear that bull -- >> i truly care. you're my king. >> okay, girl. [ buzzer ] >> lamorne: shut the [ bleep ] up. you eat them ribs. damn right. or this. >> i don't see why people have

a problem with the word "colored." >> okay, girl. >> i honestly think it sounds pretty. let me touch your hair! >> lamorne: so buy my new book, "caucasian at the cookout." or on second thought, maybe keep your silly ass at home. "caucasian at the cookout" available wherever clueless white people shop. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: we have a very, very good show for you tonight. gillian jacobs is here, we've got music from big sean. and we'll be right back with got music from big sean. and we'll be right back with sebasti ♪ i am, i cried ♪ [ laughing ] ♪ i am, said i ♪ ♪ and i am lost and i can't ♪ punch buggy red. ♪ even say why ♪

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[ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm lamorne morris. now you can scream. [ cheering ] tonight, you know her from "community" and "girls." you can now see her on the emmy-winning show "the bear." gillian jacobs is with us. [ cheering ] then later his sixth album, "better me than you" comes out august 9th. his new single from that album is called, "yes" big sean from the outdoor stage. [ cheering ] now this week, i'll be hosting with guests including zachary

levi, you got marlon wayans, bowen yang, matt rogers. and on wednesday night, a special show for mutant lovers everywhere, "deadpool & wolverine." ryan reynolds and hugh jackman will be teaming up again to co-host together. so i want you to tune in for that. [ cheering ] now our first guest tonight is a hugely successful comedian and a native of chicago, where all the funniest people come from. i know! his "it ain't right" arena tour stops at the intuit dome here in l.a. on august 17th. please say hello to sebastian maniscalco. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: oh my god! i smell money.

>> you know what? trying out a little rust color. >> lamorne: okay. >> a lot of people go black, blue. i go rust in july. so nice to be here. give it up for lamorne for hosting. [ cheering ] >> lamorne: my goodness. it's interesting seeing you in this seat, because i've also -- you've also hosted this show before. >> i'm actually a little jealous. i did host the show, but i hosted during covid. and we didn't even do it from here. we did it from a remote house in west hollywood. [ laughter ] no audience, and the crew was wrapped up in masks. they looked like mummies. so my experience wasn't quite like this where you got a beautiful audience and a name plate and the whole thing. i didn't get any of that. [ cheering ] >> lamorne: i'm saying, you're here. if you want we can switch. i'm a very fascinating person.

you can question me if you want. [ laughter ] we can switch seats. >> you know what? my intention on coming on the show was for me to sit here. >> lamorne: okay, all right. >> i appreciate it. but i'm noticing something right now. and i made a little mistake. the no-sock look is not -- [ laughter ] i'm a little cold. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: you got to be smooth when you're out here showing ankle. >> i'm looking at the screen going this don't look right, don't look right. [ laughter ] >> it looks good, man. it looks good. i know you got class. [ laughter and applause ] i know you got class, i know you got taste, because you're from chicago. >> i am from chicago. >> lamorne: so am i. [ cheers and applause ] so am i. like where in the city are you from? what part of the city? >> see, i knew you were going to do this. >> lamorne: i have to. >> i'm taking it you are from chicago, illinois. right? >> lamorne: i'm from the south side. >> the south side. [ cheering ]

that's real chicago. i am from arlington heights. [ laughter ] which is a suburb outside the city. so i can't -- i can't play with that with you because you're from chicago. but when other people where i'm from, i say chicago because no one knows where arlington heights is. >> lamorne: i moved to the burbs. i lived in glen ellen for a while. college in dupage. >> junior college, right? >> lamorne: yeah, junior college. you say it like that. [ laughter ] >> c.o.d. >> lamorne: college of dreams. [ laughter ] now people love chicago for the summertime, you know what i mean? how did you spend your summers in chicago? were you partying? were you working? what were you doing? >> this is what i was doing. i come from a type of family where there is no real summer break, spring break, you go right from school, right into a job, right? so when i was about 9 years old, i had a lawn cutting service with my buddy john, who lived across the street. and i was allergic to grass and

ragweed. [ laughter ] [ bleep ]. so i was wearing a mask, cutting lawns. and we had a lawn across the street charged 8 bucks. this is what, 19 -- >> lamorne: you were rich. >> $8 was a big payday. but they paid in check. and i'm like, come on, $8? [ laughter ] you don't got $8 laying around the house? so i take the check and go to the bank on saturday to deposit. >> lamorne: nowadays, venmo is the thing. kids are i'll take venmo, if you're trying to tip somebody. i'll take venmo. what's your thoughts on that? >> i don't have venmo. you take out cash nowadays, and especially the people in the early 20s, they think it's like kryptonite. [ laughter ] i went to go pay and the kid is, what is that? it's money. [ laughter ] they don't even have registers.

"i don't have a register, do you have venmo?" "no." >> lamorne: yeah, venmo is not really my thing. when you go out, i used to frequent the scene a little bit. especially in the burbs too. did you ever go out? did you kick it other than work? >> well, i come from an era where we went dancing, right? now people don't really -- >> lamorne: ooh. >> yeah. that's how we met girls. we didn't have like the internet back then. we didn't sit on our toilet and scroll. [ laughter and applause ] we actually had to go out and make moves. now i used to practice. if you come from an italian family, every italian family has a floor-to-ceiling mirror in the front of the house. on wednesday, i would start doing my moves, getting ready for saturday. now me and my buddy francesco. >> lamorne: francesco? >> yeah, francesco. [ laughter ] what, nobody's got a friend named francesco? [ laughter ]

we bought italian boys t-shirt button-ups. so it said "italian boys" on the back. we had to let people know we were italian. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i tried that with me and my boy. we put "black boys" on the back. [ laughter ] people were like, "no [ bleep ]." oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, so similar. [ laughter ] so we went out, and we danced, and we went to teen dance clubs growing up. and then we went to adult dance clubs. that's all we did is dance our way through. >> lamorne: wait, you went from teen dance clubs to strip clubs? >> no. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: you said adult. >> no, strip clubs. i never got into strip clubs because you're sitting there and you make eye kcontact, they kin of come over -- i'm not that guy. [ laughter ] so i danced. i danced.

actually, i'm -- i think it goes black people, spanish people, italian people when it comes to dancing. >> lamorne: yeah. i agree. i agree. >> i like to say i'm a pretty good dancer. >> lamorne: you're a pretty good dancer. oh, okay. >> listen, i wasn't planning on doing this, but i'm freezing, and i might want to move around a little bit. [ laughter ] [ cheering ] >> lamorne: are we about to -- >> if you get the band to play like maybe a little club music. i'm not that mobile right now. i got sciatic pain ripping down my right leg. [ laughter ] but i'll show you a couple moves kind of how i maneuvered. >> lamorne: okay, wait a minute. let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> lamorne: oh, oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> lamorne: oh, hey! ♪

that was it? that was it? >> the leg's acting up. >> lamorne: it's the sciatica. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh, man. >> uh-huh. >> lamorne: what do you call that move? >> that's called just trying not to fall. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: ladies and gentlemen, we've got more with sebastian maniscalco right after this. geico can help when you're locked out with their easy app and 24/7 help. dad, you don't have to make this so tough on yourself. geico can help us get into our locked car. see? yeah, but where's the fun in that? maybe i'm just nostalgic for the good ol' days, before we had geico's great coverage and 24/7 help. all set, guys. oh. let's go again! whatever you need, from coverage to service, get more with geico. sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep...

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: welcome back, i'm here with sebastian maniscalco. [ cheering ] so the tour is called "it ain't right." >> yeah. >> lamorne: quick question. what ain't right? >> what ain't right. so a lot of things are not right. what i'm seeing here in california, i don't know if it's anywhere else, when you go out to a restaurant, right, there is a service charge now and then a tip. [ laughter ] and i'm asking what is the service charge for? they're like, well, it's for a higher wage, it's for a tip, the forks, the knives, the napkin. i feel like i own the restaurant when i go out. [ laughter ] what are the restaurant owners paying for? it's service charge, it's tip, it's apron, the barkeep. so the tipping culture in this society has gotten a little out of hand. it used to be the bellman and the waiter. now why am i tipping the dry-cleaner? [ laughter ] there is a tip jar everywhere i go. you go for an ice cream and get

a scoop, you want to put -- no! [ laughter ] listen, you want a tip, you give me an extra scoop. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: that makes sense. i used to wait tables. i worked at tgi friday's, all those places. >> you can have at the attitudes at ed's. >> lamorne: i know. that's why i worked there. people wouldn't tip, i could get away with saying, [ bleep ]. they can't fire me, i actually work here, you know? [ cheers and applause ] now this caught my eye. can you explain what's going on here, man? >> well, listen, you know, i didn't grow up having a lot of pets. we weren't allowed to have a cat or a dog. so what we got was a bird. we had a parakeet. his name was pasquale.

>> lamorne: wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. so you you've have a friend francesco, is that his name? >> francesco and pasquale. [ laughter ] i don't have any friends named tim or tom or bill. it's with an "o" or an "i." that's how you get to be my friend. >> lamorne: i'm screwed. [ laughter ] >> so i came down one morning, and the bird was belly-up in the bottom of the cage. my mom's like, "well, you know, he's sleeping." [ laughter ] and the next thing you know, the bird was gone the next day. so i don't know. we did this photo shoot. and i said, bring a bird in here, let him crap on my hand. it's a fake bird. it's a fake bird, and that's ranch dressing. >> lamorne: is it really? [ laughter ] it looks extra chunky, extra chunky. now you talk a lot about your family in your stand-up. do they ever travel with you? give you [ bleep ]? is it weird speaking about them while they're in the wings kind of watching?

what's the deal with that? >> well, my kids were there over the weekend in atlanta. and it's the first time they've seen me perform. they're 5 and 7. and my daughter comes backstage, and she's like, "oh, daddy, now i know how you make money. every time someone laughs, you get a dollar." [ laughter ] and then i asked my son, "how did you like it?" and he said, "i fell asleep." [ laughter ] it's a tough audience to make laugh. >> lamorne: now you'll be the first comedian to play the intuit dome here in l.a., right? [ cheering ] that's wild. my only question is will you be funnier than the clippers? because i've got season tickets, and i'd be laughing my ass off at that team. [ laughter ] really funny squad. >> yeah, it's crazy. i moved out here 25 years ago.

i used to play anywhere they used to have comedy, i was there. there used to be a place called miyagi's on sunset boulevard. it was a sushi joint. they through up comedy on tuesday nights. people would be eating a tuna roll. the next thing you know, i'd be sitting there on the miyagi's bridge doing jokes. [ laughter ] they're like, what's going on here? so, you know, fast forward 25 years, and i'm going to be the first comedian at this beautiful -- it's a beautiful arena. i went and i did a tour. what the guy did, steve ballmer, who owns it, he took out all the mirrors in the restrooms because he wants everybody watching the game. and he feels if you're looking at yourself in the mirror, that's taking time away from you being in your seat. so my fan base is primarily italian. [ laughter ] so when they find out there is no mirrors in the bathroom, i might have four people at the show. [ laughter ]

>> lamorne: i just figured -- >> i got to bring this guy on the road, he's laughing at everything i say, everything i say. [ applause ] >> lamorne: now i'm hearing five nights at madison square garden. you're -- sellouts, all sellouts. [ cheering ] >> lamorne: in a row. is it true that you're about to break your own record? >> listen, i don't know about records or last time i did it, it was four. now we're doing five. i'm very flattered that a lot of people in the new york city, tri-state area are coming out to see me do comedy. but i didn't get into this to play madison square garden. when i moved out here in 1998, that's all i wanted to do, was stand-up comedy for a living. i just wanted to pay the bills because i really, really enjoyed doing this. and it's kind of exploded to a place where i never thought it would go, and i'm very grateful that people come out, especially nowadays. i think people are looking for a, you know, a distraction with

the news and people come up to me, "man, you know, my mother's in the hospital, you took me away for an hour and a half, i forgot all about it." for me to hear that, when i do stand-up, it's more than any -- the money is great, but to make people feel good, can't beat it. it's the best. [ cheering ] >> lamorne: thank you, man. thank you for being here. i'm such a huge fan of yours. you're an iconic figure for everybody, especially the folks of chicago. so i definitely appreciate you being here. >> i appreciate that. >> lamorne: now, you can find tickets to sebastian's "it ain't right" tour, including the intuit dome here in l.a., at sebastianlive.com. we'll be back with gillian jacobs. consistently reckless. why can't you just hide me on a desk in here? wouldn't even be doing any work. i'd be checking the websites i like. a woman came in to report her husband missing. rogelio: meet her, give her the remains. andrew: what if this wasn't an accident? there's somebody keeping an eye on me because of what i know, but i really don't know what i know.

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[ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: yes, welcome back. music from big sean is on the way. our next guest is a talented actress whom you know from great shows like "community" and "girls."

now you can see her in the record-breaking 23-time emmy nominated series "the bear" >> i just think it would be nice for her if you're there. >> did you tell her that i'm alone? >> um, i didn't know what to say because -- hey, hey, don't eat that! do not eat that, no, no! >> actually, you should eat that, yeah. you're going to love that. it tastes just like carrots. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: season three of "the bear" is available on how lieu now. please welcome gillian jacobs. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> that was a warm welcome. a standing ovation. is that for everyone or just me? >> lamorne: they didn't do that for me. [ laughter ] i got out here, one dude was

like, "what's up?" all right, all right. it's good to see you. >> it's so good to see you too. >> lamorne: i want to jump right into it, because i'm obsessed with this show, "the bear." i'm obsessed with the show. [ cheers and applause ] it hits me on so many levels. i'm from chicago. but i want to talk about this. 23 emmy nominations. that is -- that's insane. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow, yeah. and congratulations on your emmy nomination. >> lamorne: thank you very much, thank you very much. >> very exciting. >> lamorne: i remember one of the -- this might be the best acted episode i've ever seen in my life, or at least it's up there with something i've done. [ laughter ] the fishes episode. when i tell you it was crazy, what was it like working with all these folks, the cacophony of craziness happening? >> it was insane. jamie lee curtis, sarah paulson, jon bernthal, john mulaney, bob odenkirk. i mean, like -- >> lamorne: insane. >> just on and on and on, and there i was, just lucky. >> lamorne: was it intimidating at all working with some of

these folks? did you know some of these folks beforehand? >> you know -- well, i had worked with some of them. bob odenkirk had actually cut off all my toes and eaten them several years earlier. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i was going to ask you a question. >> sure. >> lamorne: and i'm going to be frank. i apologize about this. what the [ bleep ] are you talking about? [ laughter ] >> yeah, it's a good follow-up question. my favorite of all time, what the [ bleep ] am i talking about? so there was a little scene, but really amazing show called "tim and eric's bedtime stories." if you're a fan of tim and eric, amazing comedians. and it was like an anthology show where each episode was totally different. so bob and i were in an episode -- i can't believe i'm talking about this -- a world in which people, for aesthetic reasons, cut off their toes. and it has no negative effect on you. and bob plays a doctor who performed that procedure, which is very typical in that world.

but his secret is that he likes to eat them. [ laughter ] so i went to some place in the valley, and they made the most hyper-realistic cast of my feet i've ever seen. it was kind of incredible. and i laid there pretending to be asleep as i watched bob odenkirk cut all of my toes off, and then pop them one after one -- [ audience moaning ] find it online, i'm not lying. this is a real television show. i don't know why it was canceled. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i feel like if i google your name with feet, other websites might come up. [ laughter ] >> this is what i want to come up. this is i want the people to know about my feet. no, yeah. so from that experience to sitting at the table with him in fishes on "the bear," it's been quite a journey. >> lamorne: oh, my gosh. i'm from chicago. >> yes. >> lamorne: whenever i go back, i get hungry because the aroma is in the air. best restaurants in the world. >> absolutely. >> lamorne: that's what happens when i watch this show. i get hungry. do you -- do you cook at all?

>> no, not at all. i've been thinking about why i don't cook, because it's like almost a fear. >> lamorne: it's a fear? >> it's a fear, perhaps. and i think it goes back the time where my mother set our house on fire. >> lamorne: what? [ laughter ] >> yes. so my mom liked to store things to dry on the stovetop, which, yeah, you have -- yes. [ laughter ] why? why? and one day she came down very tired, a hard-working woman, to turn on the kettle to make some tea. accidentally turned on a burner that had a plastic bowl on it, went upstairs, got in the shower. i'm laying in bed. i'm maybe 9 years old, and i hear the fire alarm start to go off. and i'm laying there, this is real life. so i got up, i ran into my mom's bathroom. she was in the shower, and i said -- everyone is in rapt silence. [ laughter ]

>> lamorne: we're worried. we're scared. >> don't worry, i'm here and my mom is here. we're all fine. i go my mom's in the shower. "mom, the house is on fire." "no, it's not." "oh, yes, it is." and i led my mother completely naked, dripping wet downstairs to see our kitchen completely on fire. the bowl had melted down. the stove was on fire. the counter was on fire. the microwave was on fire. and she was frozen in fear, naked, dripping. "sorry, mom!" [ laughter ] and i went and grabbed the fire extinguisher, pulled the pin, and handed it to her. she eventually put the fire out. but ever since then, i've had kind of a fear of stoves. >> lamorne: whoa! [ applause ] you're a -- you're a better child than i am, because i would have been ooh, there is a fire. my mom's soaking from the shower. i'm going to use my mom to put this fire out. [ laughter ]

you take her hair and wring the hair out over certain spots. she will thank you later. >> she will thank you later. >> lamorne: got to save the house. >> i liked it. >> lamorne: now you have -- you're scarred from this. >> yes. >> lamorne: do you have a stove in your house? >> i do. and i like to look at it. [ laughter ] they're good to have. i just don't want to interact with it personally. >> lamorne: so i hear you're a bit of an adventuress? >> sure, if by that i like to stay inside and look at my stove. [ laughter ] no, i'm trying because i'm kind of dabbling as an amateur reporter. it's my side gig, untrained, unlicensed reporting. >> lamorne: what? >> yes. you know, acting, it fulfills you to a certain point, and then you have to start hosting a talk show. >> lamorne: have to. >> or being a reporter. [ applause ] and so i completed an episode of this podcast, "99% invisible," all about the history of the los angeles river. and it was really fascinating. and my producer vivian said what better way to learn about the

river than get on the river. and i didn't want her to know what a coward i am. so i said okay. >> lamorne: oh, boy. >> so i bet everybody here in l.a. doesn't know you can actually kayak the los angeles river, but you can, and i have. and i think we have a video clip of how well it went. >> lamorne: you have a clip, let's see the clip. >> use your hand on those branches. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: i don't know. i don't know. >> that's a level 1 rapid. [ laughter ] vivian [ bleep ] purposefully chose the easiest section we could do. and even so, what you don't see in the video, i had to be dragged across a level 1 rapid by the guide. >> lamorne: what you also don't see is that the l.a. river, it's 3 inches deep. [ laughter ] >> yes, okay, fine. you don't have to tell them that part. >> lamorne: and it's filled with condoms and heroin needles.

[ laughter ] >> yeah. >> lamorne: why would you want to go kayaking? >> and my strategy around that was, i'll wear gardening gloves. i don't know if you notice i'm wearing pink gardening gloves as i'm going like this with the oar and wondering why i'm not getting over the rapid. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i noticed you were saying just in the same exact spot. >> i went nowhere, yes. and at the end of it, i think they had too much fun watching me, because the guide said, "you know the oar was upside down the entire time." [ laughter ] and i just think that they were having too much fun to tell me that. >> lamorne: listen, whenever i'm scared to do something, you know what i do? and i want you to really listen to this. >> okay. i'm listening intently. >> lamorne: whenever i'm scared to do something, i just don't do that [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> lamorne: i just don't do that [ bleep ]. i don't do it. thank you very much for being here. oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, gillian. season 3 of "the bear" is available on hulu now. we'll be right back with big sean.

>> lamorne: all right. that's all the time we have. thanks to sebastian maniscalco and gillian jacobs. "nightline" is next, but first

here to perform "yes" from his upcoming album "better me than you." big sean! ♪ >> how y'all feeling? y'all all right? y'all good? [ cheers and applause ] whoa, hey. ♪ ♪ you a yes man i'm a rich boy i'm a rich boy ♪ ♪ put some ds on them ♪ i'm a breast man ♪ ♪ i'ma on her make a mess and she gon' ♪ ♪ look up to me i'm who she proud of i come from where it's hustlers pimps ♪ ♪ players and don doubters ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ had to bring the ways back stupid lil' wan' reminisce about some ♪ ♪ from way back when you slackin' on the job that's when ♪ ♪ they try and take that yeah they really think they cutthroat 'cause they talkin' out they necks ♪ ♪ why don't you get out your

feelings middle fingers to these they wanna see me turn ♪ ♪ to the villain either way though i'ma kill 'em when they tried to tell ♪ ♪ me no i said no yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes ♪ ♪ when they tried to tell me no i said no -- yes yes yes yes ♪ ♪ what you mean my life real gta and i need a payment with eth ♪ ♪ right now the eth and i be the champ year after year after year ♪ ♪ yeah i'm goin' three-peat wave i ain't droppin' ♪ ♪ no dime you boys cheapskates and i'm stickin' to the course ♪ ♪ no pga hoes plottin' on me that's so cliché five-star suite ♪ ♪ five-star general yeah and i'm goin' awol how the -- a young -- got his whole logo ♪ ♪ on a jersey and a -- don't play ball - stupid -- been like "what you been on -" ♪ ♪ i said "a -- rocket i'm 'bout to go take off" i'ma fly my own pj ♪ ♪ you mean top flight security of the world craig ♪

can't decode me if they pushin' ♪ ♪ my buttons it's code red twenty thousand ♪ ♪ women praying that we break up ♪ ♪ you sleepin' i'm him when i wake up yeah holy matrimony ♪ ♪ where i stack the cake up this right here the realest game i probably ever gave up ♪ ♪ when they tried to tell me no i said no -- yes yes yes yes ♪ ♪ yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes when they tried to tell me ♪ ♪ no i said no -- yes yes yes yes i would rather ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i would rather give y'all my soul ♪ ♪ i don't have to sell it might take a -- off your rap mount rushmore ♪ ♪ after i scale it blue strips when i do hit the strip know we -- it ♪ ♪ up like elvis no broke talk g.o.a.t. talk ♪ ♪ money talkin' to me like i don't need no -- therapist

brought it right back ♪ ♪ to the crib like it's nowhere else to go i was in north carolina throwin' up them ♪ ♪ pyramids with hov confirmation that my ancestors built pyramids for sure ♪ ♪ nothin' happens by coincidence it's written in the scrolls ♪ ♪ wifey types like hoes can't even put on my clothes ♪ ♪ i gotta go pockets so deep it implodes ♪ ♪ who keepin' up with the score back up in that mode ♪ ♪ and i don't weigh no pros or no cons 'cause i only know pros what you selling me no ♪ ♪ i lay the play down to run this i think they tellin' me "no" ♪ [ cheering and applause ] >> thank you. ♪ this is "nightline." >> phil: tonight, pandemonium. >> happy panda day. >> the first new

tv

Lamorne Morris guest hosts; comic Sebastian Maniscalco; actress Gillian Jacobs; Big Sean performs.

TOPIC FREQUENCY

Chicago 12, Gillian Jacobs 6, Geico 6, Francesco 6, Doug 6, Joe Biden 6, L.a. 5, Sean 5, Sebastian Maniscalco 5, Lamorne Morris 5, Crohn 4, Bob Odenkirk 3, Kamala Harris 3, Jimmy Kimmel 3, Biden 3, Miyagi 2, Cabenuva 2, Pasquale 2, Dave 2, Kamala 2

Notes

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